the dream

i wrote this for my english class...only Nat knows who it's about :P

it was dark. pitch black.
there was one light. shining straight on me.
and then i saw him.
he looked familiar, but from where?
so i ran after him, as he turned and walked slowly away.
i stopped to rest, and he was still just as far away.
then i finally caught up to him.
There he stood.
his head down, his long black hair slightly covering his face.
beautifulness. 
perfect porcelain skin.
those gorgeous hazel eyes now staring back at me.
i felt my jaw drop, and quickley picked it up.
his hands stayed in his pockets.
suddenly he reached up and hugged me.
it seemed to last forever, though only for a second.
but then he pushed me away and ran off.
the lights came back on.
and then he was gone.
i ran after him, but he was nowhere to be found.
perhaps we'll meet again someday...
in my dreams...

thoughts

....i am....

..finding it harder and harder to find unique and genuine people who accept me for me, without expecting me to change

..finding it horrible that any stupid mistake can change my entire life

..finding it crushing that the person you thought you loved the most was just a lying jerk

..finding terrible that the divorce rate is not getting and better and its actually getting worse.

..finding un-nerving that there are people in jail being treated better than our soldiers fighting for our country and getting more luxuries than most people living on the streets

..finding it sad that people are losing their creativity and everything that makes them special bc they want to like everyone else

..finding it disgusting that men can be so heartless, self-serving and -ugh- just pigs.

..finding it unreal that 12 year olds have more money, clothes, purses and crap than i would ever want to have. 

..finding it annoying that our government is so corrupt and people dont even care or notice what is really going on.

..finding it scary that churches are becoming so bogus and fake that they dont even know the real teachings and people are just getting spoon-fed this bullshit [pardon my french] and they arent even caring about what it means and if it is true and not knowing what they really believe

..finding it horrid that i still can eat tons of sugar and junk food without gaining ten pounds over night.

..finding it aggrivating that some people will never apologize for what they have done to me.

..finding it sickening that girls just cant be themselves and judge each other for the stupidest things

...finding it refreshing that this is only temporary and there is better yet to come...

 

 

i refuse to look at the last year as crap decisions and sad storys and drama filled un-necessarys -- but as the biggest learning experience of my life to this point...

as much as i hate to admit it, the struggle and hard times are indeed the best times - you learn so so so much.

you always have a choice and a turning point coming up...

every decision you make effects your future -every one of them-

letter

this was written in my journal...and i'm gonna try to make it look as cool as it does in there...I wish i had a scanner

(i've gone for too long living like i'm not alive, so i'm gonna start over tonight)

--------------------------------------------

i gave my "love" to you
and i thought you did the same
why do you have to be so heartless?
why did i have to be so stupid?

but you stole my heart, and just threw it away
that's what i got 'cause i let my heart win

now i can't trust anyone else with it
you've killed me, are you happy?

--------------------------------------------

don't you wish this was true?
you really wanted to hurt me didn't you
too bad for you, this is all lies

i was never hurt, i guess im not that shallow

i've moved on, i don't need you anymore
the only one i need is Jesus. 
He's my man
but guess what?!?!
you need Him too!

this is the end

ALSO:
if you haven't changed your act like i have
church means nothing to you
you only pretend it does

if it really meant anything, you wouldn't look like everyone else(not physically, but on the inside)

i've changed, i'm not the person i used to be

i pray for you every day
hoping that one day you'll find the light

i'm a CHRISTIAN and proud of it
i'm comfortable with that
i'm not embarassed to say no or not do something when everyone else is doing it

I LOVE  MY LIFE!

{somewhere weakness is our strength, and i'll die searching for it!}


one more thing: i'm sorry for anything i may have done or said that offended you, and all the things that you didn't know about. and i also forgive you for all the things you did and any i may not know about.iloveyou.

if only...

if only they knew...

why do people have to be so stupid?
cussin` and screamin` at the ones they love
don`t they know what love really is?

if only they knew that he saw them
with a tear in his eye and a frown on his face

why do they have to be so dumb?
they know to earn love, you must first give it
to have friends, you must first be one

if only we knew, how much he cares
that he gave everything for us, only to be spat on and cursed

why must we be so ignorant?
we know he`s there, why would he let all this happen?

if only i knew how much i need him
`cause we all deserve death, but he gave me life