top songs of 2008

i've always wanted to do one of these, and i finally did.

1.   In your atmosphere (live) - john mayer

2.   Falls apart - thousand foot krutch

3.   Four become one - hawthorne heights

4.   Feel good drag – anberlin

5.   Violet hill - coldplay

6.   Cath – death cab for cutie

7.   A song is not a business plan – the rocket summer

8.   Bold as love (live) – john mayer

9.   Syndicate – the fray

10.        Stop and stare – onerepublic

11.        Love lockdown – kanye west

12.        Ready set go – tokio hotel

13.        Your love is strong – jon foreman

14.        Do you feel – the rocket summer

15.        Re-education (through labor) – rise against

16.        Use somebody – kings of leon

17.        Warwick avenue - duffy

18.        Free fallin’ (live) – john mayer

19.        Save – the rocket summer

20.        Mercy – duffy

21.        Storm the gates of hell – demon hunter

22.        Holiest of thieves – the myriad

23.        Lucky – Jason mraz ft colbie callait

24.        Anthem for the underdog – 12 stones

25.        So much love – the rocket summer

26.        I’m yours – Jason mraz

27.        Disappear - anberlin

28.        Scream – tokio hotel

29.        Stop this train (live) – john mayer

30.        Forget what you came for – the myriad

31.        Hey Brittany – forever the sickest kids

32.        I will possess your heart – death cab for cutie [but it has to be the 8 minute long one]

33.        Back burner – august burns red

34.        Rescue me – hawthorne heights

35.        Live every second – tokio hotel

36.        Neon (live) john mayer

37.        Little drummer boy – the almost

38.        The resolution – jack’s mannequin

39.        A clean shot – the myriad

40.        Revenge – jon foreman

41.        Lie to me – 12 stones

42.        Cape Canaveral – conor oberst

43.        You found me – the fray

44.        I’m not over – Carolina liar

45.        Ricochet! – shiny toy guns

46.        Death and all of his friends – coldplay

47.        Sex on fire – kings of leon

48.        Miserable visu (ex malo bonum) – anberlin

49.        Lovers in japan : reign of love – coldplay

50.        Everything starts where it ends – lovedrug

51.        You waste time like a grandfather clock – the myriad

52.        So, in this hour – the rocket summer

53.        Coffee break – forever the sickest kids

54.        Viva la vida – coldplay

55.        My god – this beautiful republic ft. aaron Gillespie

56.        Gravity (live) – john mayer

57.        God of this city – chris tomlin [yes, I really listen to him…]

58.        Awful direction – the almost

59.        Love remains the same – gavin rossdale

60.        Believe me I’m lying – forever the sickest kids

61.        You don’t know me – ben folds ft. regina spektor

62.        Artsy – the grouch

63.        Human – the killers

64.        Whoa oh (me vs everyone) – forever the sickest kids

65.        I don’t trust myself with loving you (live) – john mayer

66.        Grapevine fires – death cab for cutie

67.        Lost! – coldplay

68.        Crashin’ – jack’s mannequin

69.        Heartless – kanye west

you found me

I've become newfoundly obsessed with the fray's latest single over the past few weeks...playing it for everyone and getting their opinions on it.

i've always had a soft spot for the fray, and i think it's because of songs like this.

the song is basically a conversation with God that goes like this...

guy runs into God on the street and asks where he's been.

God says "ask anything"

he asks "where were you when everything was falling apart?"

i am madly in love with the bridge, i love the raw honesty about it...it's been changing some things inside of me...it goes like this:

"Early morning, the city breaks, i've been calling for years and years and years and years and you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters, you've got some kind of nerve..."

we aren't supposed to talk to God like that...are we?

but maybe God can handle it....maybe thats what he wants to see....the raw and real and honest version of me.

i think this week i was reminded that this is what i'm thankful for.  the opportunity to be honest.  i think the change starts there...

video for "you found me"

Go Don.

so...Donald Miller was asked to pray the closing benediction at the Democratic National Convention. Despite who you will vote for or who you want to be president, I don't think anyone can disagree with his prayer. so here it is.

"Father God,
This week, as the world looks .. the leaders in this room create a civil dialogue about our future.
We need you, God, as individuals and also as a nation.
We need you to protect us from our enemies, but also from ourselves, because we are easily tempted toward apathy.
Give us a passion to advance opportunities for the least of these, for widows and orphans, for single moms and children whose fathers have left.
Give us the eyes to see them, and the ears to hear them, and hands willing to serve them.
Help us serve people, not just causes. And stand up to specific injustices rather than vague notions.
Give those in this room who have power, along with those who will meet next week, the courage to work together to finally provide health care to those who don't have any, and a living wage so families can thrive rather than struggle.
Help us figure out how to pay teachers what they deserve and give children an equal opportunity to get a college education.
Help us figure out the balance between economic opportunity and corporate gluttony.
We have tried to solve these problems ourselves but they are still there. We need your help.
Father, will you restore our moral standing in the world.
A lot of people don't like us but that's because they don't know the heart of the average American.
Will you give us favor and forgiveness, along with our allies around the world.
Help us be an example of humility and strength once again.
Lastly, father, unify us.
Even in our diversity help us see how much we have in common.
And unify us not just in our ideas and in our sentiments—but in our actions, as we look around and figure out something we can do to help create an America even greater than the one we have come to cherish.
God we know that you are good.
Thank you for blessing us in so many ways as Americans.
I make these requests in the name of your son, Jesus, who gave his own life against the forces of injustice.
Let Him be our example.
Amen."

Bill and Jenny

Bill and Jenny

They were so in love

But everyone else could see

That it was all a lie

Until that fateful day

That Jenny walked away

She left him all alone

Feeling broken and betrayed

She took his car

She took all of his money

But most of all

She broke his heart

He attempted to hide the pain

Between a razor and his whiskey

But no matter how hard he tried

Nothing could compare

To the damage that Jenny did

But then that lonely night

It was only him and his knife

He had no one to turn to

He had no where to run

The pain, it finally ended

And he lost the fight

For all of this only made him a shell of who he was

Until he couldn't take it anymore

They found him the next morning

A picture in his hand

Of a beautiful girl named Jenny

With a message on the back

"I love you, until I die"

But then, once she found out

It all filled her with fright

For she had felt the same way

Ever since that night

And then, the next morning

Her roommate found her on the bed

The note was simple

"I love you, until I'm dead"

For no one knew this

But there on his last night

She almost went to tell him

But simply changed her mind

Now they are together

Until the end of time

the dream

i wrote this for my english class...only Nat knows who it's about :P

it was dark. pitch black.
there was one light. shining straight on me.
and then i saw him.
he looked familiar, but from where?
so i ran after him, as he turned and walked slowly away.
i stopped to rest, and he was still just as far away.
then i finally caught up to him.
There he stood.
his head down, his long black hair slightly covering his face.
beautifulness. 
perfect porcelain skin.
those gorgeous hazel eyes now staring back at me.
i felt my jaw drop, and quickley picked it up.
his hands stayed in his pockets.
suddenly he reached up and hugged me.
it seemed to last forever, though only for a second.
but then he pushed me away and ran off.
the lights came back on.
and then he was gone.
i ran after him, but he was nowhere to be found.
perhaps we'll meet again someday...
in my dreams...

thoughts

....i am....

..finding it harder and harder to find unique and genuine people who accept me for me, without expecting me to change

..finding it horrible that any stupid mistake can change my entire life

..finding it crushing that the person you thought you loved the most was just a lying jerk

..finding terrible that the divorce rate is not getting and better and its actually getting worse.

..finding un-nerving that there are people in jail being treated better than our soldiers fighting for our country and getting more luxuries than most people living on the streets

..finding it sad that people are losing their creativity and everything that makes them special bc they want to like everyone else

..finding it disgusting that men can be so heartless, self-serving and -ugh- just pigs.

..finding it unreal that 12 year olds have more money, clothes, purses and crap than i would ever want to have. 

..finding it annoying that our government is so corrupt and people dont even care or notice what is really going on.

..finding it scary that churches are becoming so bogus and fake that they dont even know the real teachings and people are just getting spoon-fed this bullshit [pardon my french] and they arent even caring about what it means and if it is true and not knowing what they really believe

..finding it horrid that i still can eat tons of sugar and junk food without gaining ten pounds over night.

..finding it aggrivating that some people will never apologize for what they have done to me.

..finding it sickening that girls just cant be themselves and judge each other for the stupidest things

...finding it refreshing that this is only temporary and there is better yet to come...

 

 

i refuse to look at the last year as crap decisions and sad storys and drama filled un-necessarys -- but as the biggest learning experience of my life to this point...

as much as i hate to admit it, the struggle and hard times are indeed the best times - you learn so so so much.

you always have a choice and a turning point coming up...

every decision you make effects your future -every one of them-

letter

this was written in my journal...and i'm gonna try to make it look as cool as it does in there...I wish i had a scanner

(i've gone for too long living like i'm not alive, so i'm gonna start over tonight)

--------------------------------------------

i gave my "love" to you
and i thought you did the same
why do you have to be so heartless?
why did i have to be so stupid?

but you stole my heart, and just threw it away
that's what i got 'cause i let my heart win

now i can't trust anyone else with it
you've killed me, are you happy?

--------------------------------------------

don't you wish this was true?
you really wanted to hurt me didn't you
too bad for you, this is all lies

i was never hurt, i guess im not that shallow

i've moved on, i don't need you anymore
the only one i need is Jesus. 
He's my man
but guess what?!?!
you need Him too!

this is the end

ALSO:
if you haven't changed your act like i have
church means nothing to you
you only pretend it does

if it really meant anything, you wouldn't look like everyone else(not physically, but on the inside)

i've changed, i'm not the person i used to be

i pray for you every day
hoping that one day you'll find the light

i'm a CHRISTIAN and proud of it
i'm comfortable with that
i'm not embarassed to say no or not do something when everyone else is doing it

I LOVE  MY LIFE!

{somewhere weakness is our strength, and i'll die searching for it!}


one more thing: i'm sorry for anything i may have done or said that offended you, and all the things that you didn't know about. and i also forgive you for all the things you did and any i may not know about.iloveyou.